Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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