it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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