the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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