Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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