You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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