so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
True strength comes from lack of pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
