I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
