You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
