Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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