im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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