He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
