No stitches, just platelets and will power
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
