Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
