if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
