I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
