Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
