I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
