just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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