I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
