On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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