Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
