He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
