I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
