I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
