Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
