This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
