My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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