Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
