Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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