you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
