Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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