so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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