I hate your face
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
