It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize