If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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