Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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