I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
