your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
