I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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