I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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