She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you would pick up someone in the library
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
