And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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