I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just invented taco cereal.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
