omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
