I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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