dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
