One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
