I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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