does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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