Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize