do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
