my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize