my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
