i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
