so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
