Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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