So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
