well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
