I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
