I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
