I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
