If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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