Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
