I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
