If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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