Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
