My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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