the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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