apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
