shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
