Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
