So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so let's talk penis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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