If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize