Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
