from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
