Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
