Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize